A Collection of Writings
You know, it has always puzzled me why I have never been nominated for an Oscar. Nor been given the best jobs that the film industry can offer. I thought maybe it was something to do with talent, ethnicity or lack of trying on my part. I feel so much happier now that the real reason has been revealed. I have been, and am being, discriminated against by the people at the top of the industry.
I came here in the sixties and worked fairly consistently, wrote a few books, did a film or two, got well known in certain circles but was never given the chances I should have had. Never got the lead in a Hollywood blockbuster or starred in a high class, long running television series. And it was all down to a conspiracy in high places to keep me down because I'm a blond.
But now I know what it is all about I intend to do something about it. Commander Diszaei and Assistant Commissioner Ghaffur have opened my eyes to what is going on and I am very grateful. First I have to get a lawyer. Funnily enough only last week I met this bloke in a pub who told me his name was Raymond Burr and that he had just qualified as a Barrister. Diploma, letters after his name - everything. He told me he hadn't bothered to go through the stereotype ritual of studying at a university where all you learn is the out of date way to write letters and how to interpret the law for the rich. He had earned his place in the University of hard knocks and knew exactly what it was all about. He had got his diploma from a Law School in Nigeria after writing a letter to them and explaining exactly why he was qualified to represent litigants. It had helped that he did have a conviction for fraud and had spent some time in prison. It had given him an insight into the legal system his less adventurous colleagues were denied. Of course the conviction was orchestrated by 'Them' and he had done nothing wrong. I told him my sad tale and he immediately offered to help.
So we are going to sue Equity, top producers and directors and all the casting mafia that have denied my chances of advancement. What we want is a fairer system that takes into account my Human Rights, discrimination against blondes and my rights to be rich, famous and adored. We'll probably do something about Health and Safety if we can figure out what.
What I/we are demanding is that every time a film is being cast or someone wants a book written they come to me first. Obviously I will not have time to take on everything so after I have taken my pick there will be scuds left for the little people. Furthermore I should be given an award, at least one Oscar a year, for every performance I give in any medium.
I will be eternally grateful to Commander Ali Dizaei, Deputy Chief Constable Tarique Ghaffur and Diversities Officer Yasmin Rehman for opening my eyes to what is wrong with my life.
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I don't know if I'm prejudiced. I hope the answer is Not but you never know until you suck the same lollipop. I hope it is not racial prejudice when I say that I love England. I wasn't born here but it was my choice to settle here. So I understand that other nationalities should find living here a very attractive proposition.
What I love about England is just about everything. Maybe the obsession with football is a bit off putting but there is Rugby to compensate for that. The political scene is a bit mired but I suppose it always has been. The present drift towards a totalitarian Republic, hopefully, won't last and there will be other, more sunny Summers. One of the great things about Britain is that whatever weather you get in the morning isn't necessarily going to be the same all day. There must be other things I dislike but at the moment I have trouble thinking what they could be.
What I don't understand is why people from other countries come to Britain, a white, mainly Christian, country when they hate it so much. Why they leave countries and life styles that they obviously adore and have to suffer the Summers, religions and social bias they find here. I'm sure from outside looking in it seemed just what they wanted and that was why they came. Now they are here they are obviously trapped in an environment that many of them hate.
I'm sure that the British are generous enough to realise that in many cases they don't come up to the high standards that the immigrants are used to and would be willing to advance them the money to return to their own, beloved Country. If these poor people don't wish to do this I think it is only fair to ask them to swear allegiance to the Queen, learn to speak the language and obey the law. If this were to be the case then all the animosity and racial discord would have nowhere to fester and Britain would go back to being the idyllic place I discovered when I came to live here forty odd years ago.
17/9/2024